The Secret Diary of .. Working from home

DAVID SEYMOUR
We strongly think that public servants should no longer WFH and must work in an office.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON
We direct that public servants should no longer WFH and must work in an office.
THE COMANCHEROS
Memo to all staff: Please send your encrypted messages with a detailed list of what methamphetamine deals you’re working on and I’ll see you on an all-hands Zoom call at 0930.
There has been some concern among staff regarding WFH directives. There are no directives. The choice is yours. Our gold and black empire believe in a libertarian framework set within a kind of communal dictatorship.
Please continue to secure methamphetamine deals out in the open or in your homes otherwise known as prisons at Paremoremo, Waikeria, the Northland Region Corrections Facility, the Spring Hill Corrections Facility, and Rangipo/Turangi. 
DAVID SEYMOUR
There is a further expectation that public servants will forego tea breaks.
CHIRSTOPHER LUXON
We direct that public servants will forego tea breaks. 
ANDREW COSTER
In announcing my resignation as Police Commissioner I’d just like to thank the Prime Ministers who I have worked under and adapted my methods so as to provide a series of window dressings that make them look tough on crime. If you want me, I’ll be WFH ie feet up.
DAVID SEYMOUR
Preferably and ideally there should be no public servants.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON
We direct that there should be no public servants.
TORY WHANAU
I’d like to WFH. Believe me, that would be great! So chill. But I can’t afford to. Just think of the power bills. It costs more to WFH what with having the lights switched on, the PC switched on, charging the phone, boiling the kettle, toasting the toast, running a hot shower, needing more hot water for the dishes, and let’s not forget the laundry and the dryer – it all adds up. I can’t cope with all that on a salary of $189,799. It’s hand to mouth. It’s hanging in from one pay packet to the next. That’s why I had to sell my car.
It’s also why I had to sell the kettle, the toaster, the washing machine and dryer. Plus all the furniture.
So, yeah. I’d love to WFH. But it’s no fun sitting around on the floor all day. What if someone came to visit? I wouldn’t be able to offer them a cup of tea.
DAVID SEYMOUR
Jump.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON
Okay.
DAVID SEYMOUR
Jump.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON
Okay.
DAVID SEYMOUR
Jump.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON
I’m tired. Can I have a rest, please? Can you put away all your weird little meaningless authoritarian Big Brother initiatives that bind together our coalition of madness, just for a moment, so we can all have a break from your grubby social engineering experiments as influenced by the Epsom 1%, by Curia, by Business Confidence surveys, by the Taxpayers Union, by Hobson’s Pledge, and by the Atlas Network of neoliberal creeps, all of it establishing a libertarian framework set within a kind of communal dictatorship?
DAVID SEYMOUR
Jump.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON
Okay.